Timothy Francis

Who you are NOW does not determine who you WILL be

Your autobiography is not your destiny

- Dr. David Wolf, PhD, of the Satvatove Institute

Thank-you to Kyle McNeil for forwarding the following story to me. Amazing story, amazing lesson..

THE WOMAN BEHIND THE COUNTER

By Kindra Hall – http://www.kindrahalltellsall.com
© 2009 KindraHallTellsAll. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

The other day I was in the Phoenix Airport on my way to a meeting in Denver.
Unsure of how long it would take to get the car parked, get the luggage
checked, get through the security line, and get to our gate, we (my husband
Michael and I) ended up at the airport early. Once we parked our belongings
at the gate, I did what I always do when I’m early to the airport; I headed
toward the News Stand for the sole purpose of staring at the tabloid
magazine covers. Yes, I know, it’s a nasty habit, but before you cast your
stones, I should tell you I only allow myself to read the COVERS of the
magazines. JUST the covers. And even in those few moments I can feel my
brain cells rotting and my dislike for humanity mounting.

However, on this particular trip to the News Stand I witnessed something
much more fascinating, and disturbing, than any tabloid could offer.

In this particular News Stand there was a friendly looking gentleman. He had
a pleasant face th at was graced with a cheerful smile. He and I were
hovering in the same area; I was looking at the magazines, he was looking at
the Snickers bars. Though, “looking” wouldn’t be the right word –
“agonizing over” would be a better way of putting it. You see, this
friendly-seeming man was about 200 pounds from healthy. As we stood silently
by each other, I could hear him as he struggled to breathe, and watch him
shift uncomfortably from foot to foot as he worked his way down the candy
display.

I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he picked up a regular sized
Snickers with his right hand and a KING sized Snickers with his left. He
looked at his two options, back and forth, back and forth. He rolled them
around in his hands, crinkled their wrappers, contemplating his decision.
After at least a minute, he reached to put the regular sized one back … a
shame, I thought. He was so close.

But then, like a flash of lightening from above, at the very last moment ,
he THREW the KING sized Snickers back. It landed atop the gum with a
deafening THUD. The man turned and looked at me with regular Snickers in his
hand. Gripped it tightly, shrugged, and smiled.

For a moment, I saw a glimpse of pride on his face; the kind of pride that
comes from taking control of your life. Granted, it wasn’t the BEST
decision, but it WAS a step in the right direction and it was clear he was
pleased with himself. I smiled back and nodded; a silent congratulations for
a job well done.

He took his regular sized Snickers strutted to the register where a 50ish
woman waited. She was friendly in an abrasive sort of way, and as I moved to
look at the cover of Men’s Health I heard her say to the man (who was still
in the glow of his recent victory):

“Sure you don’t want the KING sized Snickers? Looks awful good…”

The man who had just made a good decision, froze. He stared at the woman
behind the counter. In that moment, it was as if t he Phoenix Airport
stopped…. As he stared at the abrasive woman behind the counter, I stared
at him. The woman reached for the KING sized and waved it in front of his
face. “Don’t do it. Don’t do it,” I willed him. But in the next moment, he
nodded, took the KING sized Snickers, paid, and slowly walked away.

I wanted to say something, but it wasn’t my place. As he walked past, he
didn’t look my way, instead he looked to the ground and to the KING sized
decision he held in his hand.

Now, it would be easy to blame the woman behind the counter for the demise
of our Snicker loving friend. She didn’t HAVE to offer him the KING size
when he seemed to be perfectly content. However, it is not her fault; she
was only doing her job (I swear they get paid on commission — every time I
try to buy a magazi… I mean, a pack of gum… they always ask if I would
like water or a snack. It can’t JUST be because they’re really concerned for
my hydration or hunger). No, the responsibility lies solely in the man who
ultimately made the choice.

We relate to this man. Whether you struggle with your weight, or you
struggle to make good financial decisions. Maybe you make poor decisions, of
any size, in your personal relationships. Whatever your vice may be (and
there may be many), we have all been here before; on the brink of a
breakthrough, only to fall short with no one to blame but ourselves. Whether
you’ve been there once or been there 100 times, there is an important lesson
to learn here; one that may not be the most obvious.

Who you are now does not determine who you will be.

I’ll say it again. Who you are now does not determine who you will be.

Sounds nice, right? Easy lesson, nice lesson, hopeful lesson. The catch is
this: you have to MAKE it so. The difference between who you are NOW and who
you will BE happens because of choice. It doesn’t have to be a heroic
choice, it can be small/consistent choices made everyday in the right
direction, that make the difference. But they MUST be made and can only be
made by you.

How do you do this?

First: start seeing yourself NOW as the person you will BE. If you’re broke,
start seeing yourself as un-broke. If you’re alone, see yourself wrapped in
the warmth of a healthy relationship. If you’re heavier than you would like
to be, see yourself thin.

Second: It is not enough to just SEE yourself there, you must start behaving
in a way that mirrors the behaviors of the kind of person you will become.
Un-broke people make sound decisions when it comes to finances — do that
now. Healthy people find joy in salads and low-fat dressing — you should
too.

Third: Stay focused. There is a good chance that others will continue to see
you as you are now, and that’s ok. It’s not their fault. They may not be
aware that you have made a decision to change; not aware that you are making
small consistent decisions toward the person you wa nt to become. They may
not SEE those small decisions or REALIZE what they are adding up to. Stay
focused on YOU. On YOUR vision for yourself. And don’t be afraid to
verbalize your desires to those around you so they can aid in your
transformation.

This is where I believe our friend at the candy counter went astray:

Perhaps he was seeing himself not as who he IS, but who he could BE — well,
healthy, happy…

I KNOW he was making a small decision in the right direction…

But when he got to the counter, the abrasive woman saw him as he WAS: a man
who “must” love KING sizes. And instead of staying focused, instead of
standing as a warrior for his future-self, he crumbled with the words “I
will always be this” ringing in his defeated ears.

We all relate to this story. We have all been there. I just urge you to not
go there again. Fight for you future self, and beware the woman behind the
counter.

When all was said and done, I walked out of the News Stand empty-handed and
heavy hearted. I took my seat at Gate C27 and waited for our plane to
arrive.

(Post Note: Michael ended up sitting next to this man on the plane. When I
told Michael this story, looong after the flight, he said, “That makes it
worse … he was such a nice guy.”)

Kindra Hall is a storyteller with 18 years of experience. She shares her
stories on stage, in coaching sessions, and on her blog:
http://www.kindrahalltellsall.com. She works with organizations and
individuals to discover, craft, and deliver their stories in order to more
effectively communicate their mission and values. She has performed on the
stage of the National Storytelling Festival in Jonesborough, TN at the
Exchange Place.